The Greatest Hallucination Ever
by aquayzar777
Summary: Have you ever wanted to publish a story with a name that has nothing to do with what it's about? Yeah, I done it. (Comedy/Crackfic, no plot... yet.)(Chapter 2 glitch fixed)
1. Pot Pie

((A/N: Whaddup peeps?! I'm making a series of one shots containing hilarity, chicken pot pies, and much more that you won't care about! I'm taking requests via review or PM. I want the craziest ideas you people have! So send in those ideas! ...Or you'll get a Chaos Spear to the knee. P.S.: I wrote this one a long time ago, so it's rough. Don't judge me.))

The scene begins in one peculiar way: Amy, Knuckles, Shadow and Vanilla all stare at some unknown object. They all have similar expressions: raised eyebrow, half-gaped mouths, twitching eyes, and some even dare to snicker every now and then. They have been like this, in silence, for about 10 minutes.

Yes. 10 minutes.

Shadow is the first to break the silence.

"What the heck, faker?" You could've seen the calmness in his voice.

"Shhh... I'm baking."

The picture before them: a blue hedgehog sitting in a hot-tub-sized aluminum pan filled with cream of mushroom soup, peas, carrots, chicken cubes and finally...

Pastry dough.

"Olgilvie Maurice Hedgehog!" It's gotta be bad when Vanilla uses your real and full name. "What are you doing in... that?!"

"I'm a pot pie." said Sonic sternly, with one eye trailing to the left, the other, immobile.

"Sonic, get up." commanded Knuckles.

"I had a nightmare like this once."

All eyes went to Shadow.

"...What?" shunned Shadow surely (say that 3 times fast).

"Amy," Vanilla began. "You know Sonic better than us; do you know what hap-"

"NO! Of course not! Why would I-"

She was interrupted by a small "plink" from a vile that fell on the floor... From her dress' pocket. The small label on the vile read...

"HYPNO-FLUID: FOOL ANYONE INTO THINKING ANYTHING YOU WANT! WARNING: Side effects include, but are not limited to: nausea, internal bleeding, rash, dry eyes, hallucination (Ex. Thinking oneself to be poultry)..."

"..."

Amy never tried to hypnotize Sonic again.

Until the next week, of course.


	2. Omo-hate

**((A/N: Whazzabi?! This is a challenge from my RP buddy SonicTheHedgehog-Nerd. Check her out! She writes epic stories, and is an awesome friend. (Corny...) Anyway, I need challenges for more oneshots, so BRING IT ON! Oh, and enjoy the story.))**

"Shadow, I'd like you to meet Omochao." A short black-furred hedgehog stood in front of Dr. Gerald with a quizzical look on his face. Before them both was a small blue robot, which strongly resembled a Chao. The mini android gave a friendly wave, and spoke in a high pitched robotic voice.

"Hello, Shadow! I am Omochao, and I will be your guide to the wonderful place we call, The Space Colony ARK!"

The hedgehog's eyes lit up the moment he finished his greeting. Not being alive for very long proved to be a disadvantage, seeing that Shadow instantly became enthralled by the sight of the flying gizmo.

'Its so wonderful...' Shadow thought, then he approached the robotic helper, and gave it a firm hug.

"It's nice to meet you, sir!" Shadow said to Omochao. He was more concerned with manners at the start of his life, especially around his newfound attraction. They became quick friends; Omochao would give Shadow helpful advice throughout his life, leading him to discover new things. Shadow hoped they would always be friends.

5 years later...

"Did you know that the bathroom is where you go to-"

"Yes, Omochao... I know." Shadow was having an irritating day, and he didn't feel like talking to Omochao right now.

"Oh..." Said Omochao glumly, but he instantly cheered up after he thought of another interesting fact. "Did you know that cashews come from fruits?"

Shadow dragged his hands down the front of his face and growled. "Yes, Omochao. I knew that."

He turned to him with pleading eyes. "Can I please have some time alone?"

"Of course, Shadow!" He cheerfully replied. "I will check on you later!" He slowly and clumsily flew out of Shadow's room. Shadow heaved a sigh of relief at the absence of the shrill voiced robot.

10 years later...

Shadow felt like he was going to gouge his eyes out. Omochao has been quoting facts and advice for an hour straight, pausing only for an oil change. Shadow used to be in love with how Omochao operated, and was so intrigued with every piece of information he was given. But now, he was just irritated by his constant jabbering.

'I can't put up with it anymore.' Shadow thought. 'I have to do something.'

Shadow grabbed a crowbar, a jar of jelly, and nail gun, and started towards Omochao...

Present day...

"And that's how Omochao became the bane of my existence." Shadow finished.

Silver scratched his head in confusion. "So wait, what happened to Omochao?"

Shadow leaned back in his chair and smirked. "Well, it's a long story. SEGA wanted to keep him in the Sonic games for info, hints and such like. I never liked him- no, I hated him; so they decided to add an Easter egg in some games where you can cause him trouble; like in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, you can pick him up, throw him, and even blow him up. Under certain circumstances, you can run him over with a truck."

Sonic chuckled from behind Silver. "That's my favorite part!"

Silver looked between the two of them, baffled. "What's so bad about him? He seems nice."

Shadow grunted. "That's right... He's never been in the games that you were in."

"If he were," Sonic started. "You'd be sick of him too. Just give SEGA a few months, and you'll work with him."

Silver seemed unnerved at that theory. Was he really that bad? Silver stood, finishing the last bit of his coffee. "Well anyway, I'll see you guys later. SEGA's president wants to have a word with me in a few."

Sonic and Shadow exchanged glances before giving fake smiles (well, Sonic smiled). They bid Silver farewell and continued sipping on their warm beverages.

"Did the president tell you?" Shadow asked Sonic quietly.

"You mean about Silver's new game, 'Silver Adventure'?" Sonic snickered.

Shadow nodded and made the smallest of smirks. "He'll be insane in two days."


	3. Cream's Angst Pt 1

**((A/N: Okay, first off, this ended up not being a comedy; I was planning on putting some lame pun at the end or something, but it didn't work out that way. Second, it's way too long to be a oneshot, so I'm breaking it up into two parts. I got carried away. :/ Anyways, enjoy Jeffrey! What...))**

"But mom!"

"No buts, young lady. You are to stay here tonight!"

The pale bunny girl folded her hands together to emphasize her begging. "But everyone else is gonna be at the party! They're expecting me to be there!"

Her mother folded her arms and gave her a stern glare. "You're. Staying. Here. You're too young to be going to parties by yourself anyway!"

"I'm fifteen, mom!" The young hare complained. "I walk to school by myself, I'm almost old enough to drive; and even Tails is going! He's the same age as me!"

"Cream The Rabbit, you watch your tone when speaking to your mother!" Vanilla yelled. She then placed a firm grip on Cream's arm and started almost dragging her up the stairs. "You will stay in your room for the rest of the night. No TV, no computer, no games, and no phone." She reached into Cream's pocket and pulled out her shiny new iPhone 6.

"What?!" Cream yelped in surprise. "Mom, wait! I'm sorry!"

"It's too late for sorry. You need to learn to listen to me, and you need to get your attitude under control." She released Cream once they made it into her room. "I'll bring your dinner later. Do NOT leave this room. Understand?"

Small beads of tears formed at the edge of the young girl's eyes as she timidly responded. "Yes ma'am..."

Vanilla nodded in response, and closed the door without another word.

Cream's shoulders dropped and she hung her head in shame. She knew not to speak to her mother like that, no matter how mad she was. She moped over to her bed, and dropped face first onto the mattress. Silent, muffled whimpers were heard as Cream's disappointment reached it's peak. The sheets were stained with salty tears as she laid there and cried for what seemed like an hour. It wasn't so much about the party, than it was about how she disrespected her mother over something as small as a house party. She and her mother were so close, and tonight it seemed like they were bitter enemies.

Cream's whimpers ceased as she heard a faint tapping at her window. She sat up rubbing her eyes, which were blood red from her crying, and saw a dark figure with crimson eyes watching her with disguised concern. Cream stood up and quickly strode to the window, unlocked it, and silently slid it open.

"Shadow?" She whispered. "What the heck are you doing on my window sill?"

The dark hedgehog crawled in with the grace of a hippo on a skateboard. He ended up falling on the floor with a thud. "First of all, you need a bigger window. Second, why aren't you at the party?"

"I got grounded..." She said sheepishly.

"For what?"

"Talking back to my mom."

Shadow started snickering. "Talking back? Really? If you're gonna get in trouble for something, at least make it something thats actually bad."

She silently scoffed. "You are such a bad influence."

Shadow snidely smirked. "I know. Now c'mon. We gotta get to the party."

Cream raised an eyebrow, bewildered. "But, I'm grounded."

Shadow nonchalantly started climbing out the window. "So what?"

"So what?" She repeated in disbelief. "Shadow, I can't sneak out! I've already done enough to make my mom mad! And you want me to sneak out?!" Her whispers began getting louder and angrier.

Shadow silently nodded. He reached back to grab her wrist before she pulled back and folded her arms with a glare pasted onto her face. "I am not sneaking out with you, Shadow The Hedgehog."

Shadow sighed and dropped his hand. He slowly climbed back in and walked up to Cream until he was about an inch away from her face, and merely stared into her eyes.

Cream flinched slightly, but kept staring at Shadow's hypnotizing crimson orbs. She upturned her chin, and, with all her courage and bravery, sternly said, "No."

Shadow's gaze didn't flicker even once. His cold eyes stared deep into her soul, searching for a weak spot.

Cream was in a cold sweat by this point. "No, Shadow. I'm not doing this."

"..."

"Shadow, stop it. Now."

"..."

Cream turned away from his gaze, but she still felt the icy cold of his glare. She tapped her finger on her elbow with impatience, trying to clear her thoughts of the black hedgehog's stare. She inhaled sharply, and turned back to him with a glare of her own.

This went on for what felt like years, until the young rabbit just couldn't take it anymore. She dropped her arms in defeat and sighed. "Fine. I'll go."

Shadow raised one hand to her cheek, and planted a small kiss to her forehead. He then patted her head almost playfully. "Good girl."

Cream poked out her bottom lip in annoyance. "I don't know why I'm still dating you."

Shadow returned to his spot at the window and simply stated, "I don't either."

Cream huffed and followed Shadow out the window, and to the party.


	4. Cream's Angst Pt 2

**((A/N: Part two, boi! I have no idea what this is, but I bet you'll like it! Gimme ideas for butt kicking story ideas! I'd love to hear from you guys! I mean, 90+ views and nobody has any ideas? Come on. Work with meh.))**

Once they made it to the party, they were blinded and deafened by the the flashing strobe lights and bass boosted music. All of their friends were there dancing, chatting and having a great time.

Cream strolled over to the snack bar where she saw Amy and Rouge. She smiled as she approached and greeted, "Hey, girls!"

Amy looked over, her pink quills swaying, and squealed. "Cream, you made it! I'm surprised your mom let you come."

"Hey, hun." Rouge said with a wink. "Where's tall, dark and handsome?"

Cream pointed over her shoulder. "He's over there hanging out with Omega. And, actually, Amy... My mom didn't want me to come. I'm really grounded."

Amy gasped lightly. "Oh, wow. Why'd you come then?"

"Shadow made me sneak out."

Amy huffed angrily. "The nerve! I'll have to have a word with him!"

Rouge chuckled. "As if. You can't even look at the guy without getting scared out of your boots."

Amy pouted. "Yeah... I guess you're right. He scares me sometimes."

Cream giggled. "He kinda frightens me too."

The group of girls laughed and chatted for a while before making their way to the living room. There, they found their friends Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles eating at a table. Sonic was currently swallowing five chili dogs at once.

Sonic swallowed hard and coughed once. "Ha! Told you I could do it; pay up Knucklehead."

Knuckles angrily slapped ten dollars into Sonic's hand. "I still don't know how you do that!"

Sonic shrugged. "It's a gift, I guess." He looked up towards the trio that just approached them. "What's up, guys?"

"Hi, Sonic!" Amy said flirtatiously. She plopped down in the cushioned seat next to Sonic and eyed him lovingly. "Whatcha doing?"

Sonic scooted away uncomfortably and proclaimed, "I just won a bet with Big Red here: I just downed fifteen chili dogs in two minutes flat!"

Tails looked up from his sci-fi novel and said, "Not much of an achievement if you ask me."

Cream giggled at the boys' playfulness. She looked over at Tails and asked, "So, who all is here?"

"Everyone is." Tails said with minimal enthusiasm; he wasn't really a party person. "I even saw your mom in here a few minutes ago."

Cream froze. Her heartbeat quickened, and her palms started to sweat. "My... My mom? My mom is here?!"

Tails raised an eyebrow obliviously. "Yeah, why? What's wrong?"

Cream gripped the sides of her head frantically. "Oh, this is bad... This is so very bad!"

Tails leaned forward curiously. "Why?"

"Because I'm not supposed to be here!" She blurted out. "I got grounded but Shadow made me come anyway!"

Sonic groaned. "Well, that's Shadow for ya... Now we just gotta make sure your mom doesn't see you."

"Oh no, I am not hiding from my mom." Cream said matter-of-factly. "That goes against everything I am! Besides she'll just find me anyway."

"Not on my watch, honey." Rouge said as she put her hands on her hips. "We're getting you home before Vanilla sees you."

"How?" Cream begged.

"Don't worry about it; just leave it to me, sugar."

Knuckles cupped a hand to Cream's ear and whispered, "You're dead."

"Yes you are."

The music immediately ceased, and all heads turned to Cream. She slowly turned around to find a furious adult rabbit scowling at her. She could see the pure rage coming from her eyes directed at her. She knew she made a terrible mistake with dire consequences.

Cream timidly forced a smile; an attempt at feigned innocence. She wrung her hands in anticipation as she spoke. "...H-hi mom."

"Home. Now." Vanilla deadpanned without a flicker of mercy in sight.

Cream's smile disappeared instantly. "Yes ma'am..."

The walk home was made in complete silence; the urge to scream ate away at her conscience; but the fear of getting into more trouble, impossible as it may seem, kept her content without words. She and her mother walked the sidewalks under the dim light of the moon; the only sounds being their footsteps, and the occasional rustling bush.

From the moment they set foot on their front porch, Cream's heartbeat quickened once again. She watched her mom silently pull out her keys and sift through them, trying to find her house key. Once she found it, she inserted the key into the lock, twisted the key and swung the door open slowly.

Cream immediately started speed walking to her room, in a futile attempt to escape; but the sound of a quickly tapping foot stopped her in her tracks. Cream bit her lip and gulped hard before turning around. What she saw was pretty much expected: a pretty peeved parent.

"I have a few questions for you," Vanilla began calmly. "What were you told?"

Cream looked fearfully into her mother's eyes. "Stay home."

"And what did you do?"

"...I went to the party."

Vanilla folded her arms and raised her voice slightly. "And what made you think that was a good idea?"

Cream didn't respond. She was too ashamed of her actions to speak; and she didn't have any good answers to that question.

"So what do you think would be a suitable punishment for what you've done?" Questioned Vanilla.

Cream thought hard; she didn't want too big of a punishment, but if she chose something too light, Vanilla would go straight to the worst punishment. "...No electronics for two months?" She tried after thinking for a while.

"Try six."

Cream almost gaped, but she knew any wrong move right now would land her a year away from the Internet. "Yes ma'am..."

Vanilla stood and watched Cream for a good minute before saying, "Now go to your room and stay there this time."

Cream nodded and walked slowly up the stairs, hanging her head in shame. When she made it to her room, she saw a black hedgehog sitting outside her window. She walked to said window and quietly opened it to stargaze with her boyfriend.

Shadow didn't acknowledge her presence until he said, "What's the damage?"

Cream huffed. "No electronics for six months."

"Harsh."

"Yeah..."

"...But totally worth it, right?"

"Pfft... Yeah it was."


End file.
